Unhealthy people like to convince their victims and others that they are the ones being abused. They like to push their victims to their limits with blaming, name-calling, or covert hard-to-pinpoint tactics. The victim reacts strongly to the abuse, perhaps choosing to argue back or physically defend themselves from the narcissist. Once they do this, the narcissist uses it as an example or “proof” that they are being abused and that the victim is actually to blame.

If you react, if you cry, if you are raging or feeling out of control, YOU ARE NOT CRAZY. Your feelings and reactions are normal responses to an abnormal situation.

Narcissists use this technique to maintain power. The more it happens, the victim is convinced they really are to blame and that they are crazy.

It is traumatizing to be in a relationship with a narcissist. We walk on eggshells. We doubt our perceptions. We feel like no matter what we do, the narcissist will never be satisfied. We feel alone and misunderstood.

Have you been told you over-analyze things? Of course, some people do read too much into situations. The difference with narcissists is that, in retrospect, you discover you were correct. Narcissists intentionally do things to make you feel insecure and suspicious like flirting on social media. When you question them, they accuse you of over-analyzing the situation. But then a month later you discover they were cheating with that person. Narcissists want you to doubt yourself by making you feel crazy — constantly planting hints to make you feel suspicious, and then blaming you for having anxiety.

Of course, it’s not always this bad, because if it was, you would never have become involved in the first place. The Idealize stage is when you get hooked, and to keep you invested in the relationship, this cycle repeats itself over and over: idealize > devalue > idealize > devalue > discard > idealize > devalue, and so on until one day the relationship ends permanently.

People who are emotionally abused come from all walks of life. Men, women, non-binary, transgender, children — any age, any gender, any culture, any background.

Note: if you are feeling suicidal, help is available!

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Thank you for your courage and all you share. You have been an angel to me.

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You save me with every post. Each day I want to end my life, but you make me stronger with your posts.