Three distinct, often overlapping, stages of a narcissistic relationship.
So, you are wondering what the hell happened, aren’t you? You thought you had met your soul mate and you were the luckiest person in the world. Of course, in Phase 1 (idealize) you weren’t questioning your relationship. But like a switch going off, everything changed. Even if you can’t put your finger on it, something went very wrong. You entered Phase 2, and for a while, you just chalked it up to them having a bad day, or maybe they are sick, maybe they have a brain tumor, or they’re having a nervous breakdown. It took a while before you started searching for answers about why the love of your life had turned on you.
It is almost impossible to get your head around the notion they could ever just toss you aside with nothing and not look back—Phase 3. If anything, while you are reeling in pain from the relationship ending, he’ll take the opportunity to give you a kick in the guts a few times for good measure, and he’ll make sure you and others know it’s your fault.
–Lady with a Truck
Love Bombing — The Idealization Stage
Idolisation is when the narcissist treats you like “the newest shiniest toy”. And this is probably a really apt way to describe it – because idolisation is infatuation. ntoxicating and provides highs that are soaring. Love-bombing is the expression used for the idolisation stage.
We finally feel attractive regardless of those few extra pounds or wrinkles. We feel so adored through the narcissist’s proclamations of “unconditional love” that we begin to feel “worthy and valuable” just as we are.
We believe the quest of having to be different, better or prove ourselves in order for people to love us, is over.
We are getting from the narcissist all the feedback that we may have missed out on and craved
Little did we know that the idealization phase turns the narcissist into your drug dealer. You become the addict, dependent upon their love-bombing drug.
Shockingly Dimished Affection — The Devaluation Stage
Idolisation is when the narcissist treats you like “the newest shiniest toy”. And this is probably a really apt way to describe it – because idolisation is infatuation. ntoxicating and provides highs that are soaring. Love-bombing is the expression used for the idolisation stage.
We finally feel attractive regardless of those few extra pounds or wrinkles. We feel so adored through the narcissist’s proclamations of “unconditional love” that we begin to feel “worthy and valuable” just as we are.
We believe the quest of having to be different, better or prove ourselves in order for people to love us, is over.
We are getting from the narcissist all the feedback that we may have missed out on and craved
Little did we know that the idealization phase turns the narcissist into your drug dealer. You become the addict, dependent upon their love-bombing drug.
Painful and Almost Unbearable — The Discard Stage
During this phase the behavior of a narcissist changes, he becomes cold and uncaring almost overnight. this is when the “mask drops” and you see the real person. The narcissist no longer tells you how much he or she loves you, but instead becomes increasingly critical towards you. Suddenly he/she finds all sorts of flaws in your behavior and possibly also in the way you look. You start to feel increasingly unhappy and depressed, because you have no idea what you have done to deserve to be treated this way. You try to “make him or her love you again”, however nothing you do seems to be good enough and what they want seems to change with the wind. He accuses you of things you aren’t thinking or doing, is controlling, twists your words, where once you could talk about anything calmly and rationally, now every thing turns into a fight.
The narcissist will always end the cycle with a discard.
