I was desperate to not be alone.
It’s time to write a few posts about my life. Are you wondering who I am? I have shared only a little of my story here on Narcissist Free. In a nutshell, I met my ex-husband when I was 29, I dated him for 3-4 years, and finally, we were married. There were no reasons to marry other than he was the guy I was with, and I could not leave him. He was going to be the key to my happiness, the person who would launch me from an “Old Maid” to a wife. Marrying would bring me closer to my dreams—a house, a car, and children. Everything I’d ever wanted was so close I could put my arms around my future life.
Looking back, I was blind to the dozens of hurdles we’d have to overcome. I was also blind to the red flags. Our marriage was set up to fail, and I was too sick in my world to know this at the time
My ex-husband was addicted to cocaine and alcohol which led to two explosive situations where he brutally attacked me in a coke fit, smashing my head into the ground so many times that my brain swelled with injuries and my arms were left with fingertip bruises. In another argument, he broke ribs. His drug and alcohol addiction led to numerous infidelities, one of which was cheating on me with my best friend. He was addicted to porn and sometimes that led to teen porn. Interestingly, most of the drama, physical abuse, and extreme addiction took place before we were married. Perhaps this gives you a peek into the state of my emotional wellness. I was not a healthy woman when I met him, and I became even sicker by being around him.
I was not a healthy woman when I met my husband, and I became even sicker by being around him.
Today, two narcissistic breakups and 1 child later, I look back and can see that marriage was doomed. We gave it a shot, our best. He sobered up. I went to 12-step recovery for friends and family members. We got better, together. And that was a miracle.
I began to believe in us again, but the dream ended abruptly when he came home after a weekend retreat with his men’s group and told me he wasn’t in love with me and never was. I was devastated. He took our little boy (2 at the time) to the park and I went to a friend’s house to cry and cry and cry. He told me he was not in love with me on Sunday. Tuesday he had an apartment. Thursday he moved out. My life fell apart. I was not as strong as I thought.
He told me he was not in love with me on Sunday. Tuesday he had an apartment. Thursday he moved out.
Today, two narcissistic breakups and 1 child later, I look back and can see that marriage was doomed. We gave it a shot, our best. He sobered up. I went to 12-step recovery for friends and family members. We got better, together. And that was a miracle.
I began to believe in us again, but the dream ended abruptly when he came home after a weekend retreat with his men’s group and told me he wasn’t in love with me and never was. I was devastated. He took our little boy (2 at the time) to the park and I went to a friend’s house to cry and cry and cry. He told me he was not in love with me on Sunday. Tuesday he had an apartment. Thursday he moved out. My life fell apart once again.
What ensued was a 2 year waiting period, longing for him to return to me. I thought he just needed time. So I waited. Patiently. He told me he was thinking about it.
Later I found out he was seeing someone. When that ended he came back to me for a day or two, and then, without rhyme or reason, backed off and became the cold harsh distant elusive man he had been for the two years prior. A few months later I believe he met his now wife. He became nice to me again but told me it was for sure over and he wanted a divorce. He waited 2 more years to file, enough time to — what I believe — stash away a ton of money on the 20+ properties that were being foreclosed. There were too many lies to list here. We all know what they are. These lies were intended to keep me legally married to him while he lived with his soon-to-be wife so that he could continue to keep the money flowing into his side of the river, while I was sitting on the other side with a blindfold on. He denies all of this of course.
Today, it’s 7 years later since he moved out. I’m 7 years older and a bit wiser. I’ve been through quite a few trials the past 7 years. My son was 2 and still nursing 2x a day. I was in a grave amount of pain, raising a son, making our lives pleasant and lovely and adventurous, all the while nursing my broken heart.
Two years after my ex-husband left and had fallen in love with another woman, I started dating again. This guy was everything my ex-husband wasn’t in terms of love. I’ll save the details for another blog entry, but suffice to say, he was a psychopath. First class.
Three years ago that psychopathic relationship ended and by being alone and working with a great therapist, I’ve been able to grow stronger and become happy, whether or not I’m with someone. The strength I have inside me is such an incredible feeling, but this has only been the result of hard work, staying single, focusing on me and what is in front of me.
