In 2014, a relationship I was in ended. The end of this relationship left me broken in a way that I had never experienced before. While I had experienced various kinds of abuse before (sexual, physical, verbal), this relationship had put me through the wringer. My partner never called me a bad name, didn’t swear, and never laid a hand on me. He was intelligent, educated, and came from a kind, good family. Yet I ended up shattered and broken, at the lowest point of my life, barely able to function.

It took a while to understand the situation, and why I was feeling so much pain and anxiety. Why was I not thinking straight? Thanks to supportive friends and family at the time, I was able to function and move forward, but I could not heal completely until I understood why I was left in such despair.  I had a personal blog at the time and was journaling a bit of my experience there. Thanks to a friend, I heard the word Narcissist for the first time as it applied to my situation. I could not believe it. I had Googled abuse multiple times during the relationship and nothing explaining my situation came up. There was not much on the internet about narcissism in relationships in 2014. I googled again, this time with new search terms. Two sites came up. I found Zari Ballard’s website thenarcissisticpersonality.com and Carrie Reimer’s site ladywithatruck.com. These helped immensely. I remember reading Carrie’s site and my jaw dropping. For a bit, I wondered if we had dated the same man!

A year after the breakup, I was able to move through life again, but I was still in a low place psychologically. I hid this from friends and family and shared my truth secretly in two very safe places: using a pseudonym on Instagram as @narcissist_free and on a secure private forum called Psychopathfree. This led to the purchase of the book, Psychopath Free, by Jackson MacKenzie, which unlocked the mystery of narcissistic and emotional abuse. I finally had the awareness and the support I needed. An event happened in June 2015 which triggered me greatly. I didn’t realize I had PTSD. I sought professional help and found a therapist who understood PTSD and narcissism, She helped pull me out of the world I had been led to believe — a world where I was less than, crazy, unstable, and did everything wrong. This was not reality. It was the reality the abuser had tricked me into believing.

It took several years to rewire my brain and heal from psychological abuse. My therapist used to say, “He really did a number on you.” I left him feeling like I was a psycho-bitch. In 2015, when I started Narcissist Free on Instagram, only 3 accounts were posting about narcissism. Today, I am the only one of the 3 of us still active on the platform with a following of over 30K. Currently, the number of survivor accounts is over 1000.

In 2015, I started Narcissist Free on Instagram. At the time only 3 accounts were posting about narcissism. Today, I am the only one of the 3 of us still active on the platform. It the past few years, the number of survivor accounts is over 1000.

Today I know my worth and not much can shake me to my core. I have discovered new boundaries; I have uncovered more narcissists. I know where to turn for help and guidance. My support network is quite large. But the strength I realized that I had in me the whole time, this unwavering strength, that is my asset.

If you are reading this and hurting, please know that only the most amazing, strong, and incredible people are the ones that narcissists pursue. We are a special lot, a shining star. They have reveled in great pleasure by taking us down. But they will not win, because WE ARE STRONG! :)

“Thousands of candles can be lit by a single candle and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.”

Ghandi

“A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.”

James Keller