I met a narcissist ten years ago. We are no longer together. I broke it off a little under two years ago.
This is my story.
I had a baby with him, born 3 months premature. My son stayed in the NICU fighting for his life for 4 months. Not once did his father come, call, or ask how he was. He didn’t even know what I had named him.
That is not the first time. I was alone before. I had a miscarriage prior to that — no him. Years later, another miscarriage — no him. Each time I came to him and told him I was pregnant, he told me there were other options. He did not want a child.
What I didn’t know was that in the 9 years we were together, he had been married and divorced twice and engaged 3 times. He also had 4 other children by 3 other women.
All of this came to light when I started questioning why he would disappear and come back without explanation. He would act like it was no big deal.
I found his Facebook page and questioned him. He called me a stalker and said, “I never told you, you were the only one. Sometimes in life, you have to share.”
Finally, I cut everything off and moved forward when I saw he got engaged to someone else. I went 6 months with No Contact, and then he reached out to me. I fell back in. But my heart was not in it. It felt like he sucked the soul right out of my being. I was always second guessing myself and full of anxiety and anger. I knew I had to get out because I was not me anymore. And then I realized I pregnant. He left, again.
Today I have a beautiful little toddler.
After 15 months of the Narcissist not being around, he popped back up. I allowed him back, not for me, but for my son. I kept my guard up because I didn’t know if there would be a disappearing act as usual. He showed up once he got served with Child Support paperwork, and I smelled a rat. This time he said, “I want to be a father to our son. I’m not a deadbeat. I want to be in his life.” He wanted to come get our son every Sunday. He did that for about 3 months. But now that his first payment for Child Support is due next month, 3 weeks have gone by with no-call-no-show.
No more. I won’t allow him to set my son up disappointment. I do not want my son to understand what this man does. It was obvious this was coming — the infamous disappearing act. But I know he is somewhere lurking. He is trying to figure out his next move because he last one did not work. I am recovering day by day. It’s hard, but I do my research on NPD. Since I have a child with him, I want to be ready to fight for my child when the Narcissist goes the legal route. My child is not becoming him. I’m stopping the cycle.
I also have a counselor that helps victims of Narcissistic abuse. These support groups have helped so much. It lets me see I’m not the only one, that I hold worth and value in this world.
I don’t know what the future holds, but I will continue to recover and move forward. The Narcissist does not have the power anymore.